Why do people lie? If you’re a woman, according to author Susan Shapiro Barash, you lie because society forces you to lie. That’s the headline in an MSNBC excerpt from her book, “Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets”. She states, “While I neither condemn nor condone the lies women tell, I recognize how central they are to a woman’s existence.” Central to her existence? How does that make you feel, ladies? Throughout the excerpt, and I suppose throughout the book, she suggests that there is something unique and even admirable about female deception. She writes, “When it comes to mothering, rivalry, and status, we’re willing to lie, to distort the facts, to twist the truth. Women choose this path when it aids them in their ambitions.” But isn’t that why anyone of either gender lies in whatever situation they lie—because it aids them in their ambitions? Isn’t every lie, from the chocolate smeared face of a four year old who says he hasn’t been in the candy, to the padded resume of the junior executive who wants to advance his career, for the purpose of aiding the ambition of the liar?

But let’s be honest, pun intended. This is not a gender issue. This is a human issue. Men, women, boys and girls lie. Why do they lie? Everyone will agree that it’s done to advance an agenda or ambition. But it is also done because it’s easy. If I told you that John Wayne was my great uncle many of you would probably believe me. And I could probably continue in that deception for the rest of my life if my conscience didn’t bother me or unless I ran for some political office. In that case some fact checker would eventually catch up with me. But most liars who continue lying do what they do because they keep getting away with it. And the fact is that often those lies do effectively protect them, they do raise their status, they do advance their agendas. For the selfish and amoral, lies work, at least for a time. They work until those being lied to find out about the lies or those that knew they were being lied to for quite some time finally decide they’ve had enough. And then the liar can just move on to the next easy mark and start the game all over again. Honesty is the best policy? Not from the vantage point of the habitual liar who is conscience and often consequence free.

But Christians must be different. Honesty must not only be the best policy but the only policy. We must “aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord’s sight but also in the sight of man,” (2 Corinthians 8:21). That we can get away with the lie or that “I’m not really hurting anyone” shouldn’t even be a consideration. God calls us to be truthful. The Bible says that we are “to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (Ephesians 4:24-25).

Now surely someone will object, “If I always tell the truth I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings.” That’s probably true. But telling the truth ought to be a higher priority than the preservation of someone’s feelings. Still, there are a couple of pieces of advice to be noted here. First of all we need to be the kind of people who do not feel compelled to say whatever we think. The callous clod who prides himself or herself in this perceived virtue needs to practice the art of silence. Second, there will always be those folks who are either angling for a compliment or trying to get information from you which is none of their business. As to those fishing for flattery, remember what your mama said, “If you can’t say something nice…” just smile. As to those pumping you for information, remember, it is they who have overstepped the boundaries. A polite, “That is private,” is all they have a right to hear. Be made of tougher stuff. You don’t always owe people the information they want.

Why do people lie? For no good reason.

God bless you,

Brad Fry